I would have posted about my two-week vacation in El Nido, Palawan but it never happened, so let’s go straight to what really is the latest about my life now. I wish I could blog about the new cupcake flavor I just tried to bake, or maybe about this new movie that me and Andrew just watched, or about my new trainers, or anything except for my 9-5 hour job.
The bank. My world officially revolves around my job now. I did say it’s a 9-5 hour job, yes? Could be bearable until you’re obliged to do overtime e-ve-ry-night like it’s normal. And, you know what? I might write a separate blog about my Saturdays and Sundays OT. Well, I guess OT is the new ‘normal’ in my office. I go to work 8:30 in the morning and I come home late every night stressed and tired. All that my body beg for is my bed. I sometimes skip dinner impulsively due to exhaustion. Feels like abuse, to be honest. But I’m trapped.
I can’t even watch news on TV or watch teleseryes before I go to bed like the old days. But thanks to Facebook my only source about the latest like country’s presidential polls, Kylie Jenner’s newest lip kit, and of course my friends’ escapade flooding my feed.
This might sound as a complain, but believe me I am more grateful. I still feel blessed that I have this job. It sure pays good and it gives me recognition career-wise and most of all this makes my parents proud. But if this is all about the paycheck and prestige, that’s too shallow. My life is not meant to live that purpose. That is not the purpose.
Yes, we are always given choices but this feels like it hasn’t left me one, or maybe it’s just me still a sucker at decision-making. In a snap, I can turn things around though but that’s not going to be as easy as it sound. I’m scared that if I quit on this I’d lose a lot. I’m 25, there’s no turning back. I hate to admit that I care too much about what my family, friends and other people would say.
I wish I could tell a story that has more color and life than being a banker.
I wish I’m brave enough to switch from here to where I really want to be even if it means risking the comfort zone I’m in now.
I wish I’m stronger.